When was the last time you spent time with a really close friend or family member and came away feeling so energised, understood, and loved?
Being with good people can fill your heart and restore your soul. Yet in our everyday lives we often don’t make time for these much needed interactions.
This week, I want to encourage you to have a critical look at the people you spend your time with and to check whether any of those relationships are impacting you negatively.
It’s hard to say goodbye but might be what you need
I had ‘friendships’ that started with a single shared interest, resulted in Facebook connection, and then felt really awkward to end. I didn’t spend time with these people beyond our weekly interaction at swim training / horse riding / department meetings, yet I still felt obliged to maintain these relationships.
It’s very liberating to decide whether you want to continue a friendship or professional relationship.
Here’s my tip: if things fizzle out once you don’t see a friend regularly, don’t feel compelled to put in all the effort on your side. If the other person actively tries to maintain the relationship but you don’t want to engage, it’s important to create clarity and let them know that you don’t want to or have the energy to invest in this friendship. Ghosting them isn’t fun, so be as honest and kind as you can and then move on.
What will you do instead?
Whether you stop a hobby or just your interactions with specific people, you’ll free up time for other things. Think about how you want to spend your time instead.
I stopped going to a stable for horse riding sessions because there was new drama every Saturday. I replaced this with long bike rides, followed by lunch with a friend. I felt a lot better. Not only did I remove unnecessary drama and gossip from my life, I also nurtured relationships with people who were interested in the same things as me. We had stuff to talk about and roads to explore and it was good.
If you have energy vampires among your circle friends, think about the stuff this keeps you from doing. Spending more quality time with your family? Finally taking singing lessons or brushing up on your Italian before the next trip to Rome? Write down what you’d like to do and use it as an incentive to focus on keeping the right people close to you.
Things don’t have to be forever
Some friendships can have long periods of silence. When you meet again you pick up where you left off without things being awkward. I have a few of these relationships and they feel genuine and caring, even if geographical distances don’t allow for regular visits.
Friendships and marriages can be for life, but they don’t have to be. Great if it works, but sometimes it doesn’t, despite our best efforts. And that’s okay too.
Compared to older generations, our lives hold so many more options to move cities, countries, and continents; to change jobs and careers; to stay alone or live in different types of platonic or romantic relationships. This has made things more complicated but has also given us more freedom to choose what works for us, and leave toxic relationships behind.
Remind yourself that if a friendship or professional relationship has run its course, that’s ok. Some people accompany us for parts of our lives. We can learn from them and grow as a result.
I wish you a great week and I hope you find this reflection useful as you head into the season of festivities and resolutions for 2023.
Eva