There are people, memories, experiences and things in your life that have no doubt made it richer and joyful. We all experience this and it’s so so important. Sometimes it’s good to remind ourselves, however, of those things we don’t have and why that’s actually not a bad thing.
Let me explain.
When I was a little girl, from the age of about 6 until yesterday I was at least 18, I wanted a pony. Or a horse. I wasn’t going to be picky. For every birthday and Christmas I asked for a pony. I never got one. I knew I wouldn’t. Owning a horse is a very expensive hobby and I was the only horsey person in the family. Plus I didn’t earn money and even when I did, it would have just about covered the hay for a month.
I always envied the people who owned horses and could ride them whenever they liked and spend their days at the stables, surrounded by these amazing animals.
And then I left home and a few years into my adult life I realised that none of what I experienced would have been possible if I had owned a horse. Because I wouldn’t have left. I wouldn’t have traveled to New Zealand, wouldn’t have stayed there, wouldn’t have studied there, met my then boyfriend and later husband (later ex husband) there. Wouldn’t have moved to Australia, then back to Germany, then to the UK.
When I realised this, I started saying thanks to my dad. Thanks for never buying me that horse, not that we could have afforded it anyway. Thanks for being wise and seeing what a massive commitment it would have been for me and our family.
It happened again 3 years ago. Not with a horse, but with a job. Before I found my current role, I interviewed with another tech company for a promising position in product management. I was so excited about the opportunity, got to the end of the process, received glowing feedback, and… was rejected.
I felt crushed and blindsided. I felt like I was just another candidate when they had already made up their mind but needed to follow a process.
And you know what? In hindsight I am so glad I didn’t get that role, because it’s very likely I wouldn’t have excelled and I wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much as I do being an evangelist. That’s just so much more me. But in the moment it hurt and it took me a while to get over the disappointment and to stop being bitter.
These two experiences served as a great reminder that not all the good things come from what we have, but also from not always getting what we want, because there’s something better waiting for us.
When you think back in your career but also your personal life, what are some of the things or experiences you wanted to have but didn’t get? Did that turn out to be a blessing in disguise? How would you life look if you got what you wanted?
To finish, here is something I always wanted, didn’t get and then got after all… When I was 12, we moved house (Germans typically don’t move that often, this was my only move during my childhood). I wanted to move to the countryside (because… horse….) into a big house with a garden and a white fence. We ended up with a 150 year old house in the centre of town. It had to be gutted and completely renovated. I hated it but then fell in love with it. I still wanted to live in the countryside, though, and it took another 25 years for that to happen.
The crucial realisation was that after all those years of asking my parents, I had grown to be an adult who could make her own stuff happen. And those years of living and working in big cities paid off so I could finally buy that beautiful house with a big garden in the countryside. In the words of Tijen Onaran: “be your own f***in’ hero”.
Have a great week!
Eva